Past

Sometimes I long for the past.  There are times while I lay on my bed at the darkest hour of the night, my mind intoxicated from constant entries and exits of the dream-world, and I simply request an impossible wish to an impossible magician, "Please rewind me back to the past."  And foolishly I lay, actually believing that it may happen if I wish hard enough.  As I open my eyes, the darkness of the room is still there.

Sometimes I truly believe my past was so much more beautiful than my present.  And of course this doesn't apply to everyone.  There are the unfortunate who lived a terrifying past and wish to never re-live it again.  And to those, my heart reaches out to you...

My past, was beautiful.  Not simply because it was a "care-free" life.  But it was pure magic.  There are constant moments where I wish to re-live it again.  I would be happy just to be a ghost and watch my whole life like a DVD-movie.

The memories I have, the snapshots I re-imagine, and the moments I re-live can only be described as magical.  Those small fragments of memories in my mind are like drugs.  For some unexplainable reason, my mind rushes with unknown pleasure to these thoughts.

I then ask myself, "Why do I wish to re-visit the past so much?"  Is it because there were regrets I wish to fix?  Or problems I wish to solve?  Or things I want to change?

Or perhaps I just hate the life I live now?

It's none of those things.  I actually love the life I live now.  I love the friends I share my life with.  I love the activities I engage in.  I love the hobbies I have grown to do.  

Yet there's a part of me that still wishes for the past.  It's unexplainable.  

And it then prompted me to ask many of my friends.  "Do you sometimes wish you can just re-live your past?"  Because I felt like I was in a hopeless-circle all by myself.  Why do I long for impossible things?

And they all said to enjoy the present moment.  For the past will be the past, and nothing can be changed about that. . .

I ask myself... but doesn't the past mean anything to you?  Isn't there a beauty behind it?  The past is like a beautiful bridge that led you to the destination you are at right now.  And sometimes, you just want to go back to the bridge and see the world.  Because sometimes, the journey is more important than the destination.

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As I constantly live this way, I long to change.  Because the impossible will always be impossible.  Despite people saying "anything is achievable," there are things that will always be unattainable.  But that's the beauty.

I long to change my ways.  Blogging I guess helped me prioritize my thoughts.  

It's dangerous to constantly live a life always re-visiting the past.  Just like drunk-driving, you have to always focus on what's ahead of you.  If your mind is someplace else, an accident is bound to occur.  Oppurtunities will wash away right before your eyes.  New relationships will evaporate while you still live in your dreamworld.

But still.

When traffic ceases to exist, and when the roads are void of any potential dangers, it's absolute magic to just close your eyes and re-live a moment of your life...